This year I am running a new workshop on “the art of developing relationships in business and personal life. The idea came for this from running trainings on a regular basis in Asia, Europe and the USA where I increasingly noticed the patterns that make for really excellent relationships and those that result in problematic outcomes. In my business life I am fortunate enough to work literally all over the globe with many longstanding business partners. This year the number of training requests has doubled with new countries requesting PCW training. I am also blessed in my personal life to have been happily married for two decades! All of this has given me a great insight into the different ingredients that make for successful partnerships and of course these exact same ingredients work in all kinds of relationship situations.
Is the whole thing worthwhile?
One of the questions I ask in the forthcoming workshop on this subject is “When you think about this relationship right now, is the WHOLE thing worthwhile?” The responses are usually “Yes definitely!” “Absolutely not” or “yes, but with some considerations” Usually the “yes but with some considerations” response means that there needs to be a closer look at “the trades” in relationship or “who gives and who gets what”
The Law of trades
Every relationship is a trade of some sort. A good relationship means that the trade works for both parties involved. If there is no “trade” occurring then essentially there is not actual relationship worth pursuing. This does not mean that everything has to been 100% amicable in the situation, there may be real differences of opinion and orientation BUT the whole thing makes it worthwhile for both parties. Any good negotiator appreciates that the nest relationships either in a business context or a personal context require ongoing communication and attention to detail.
When it’s time to part company
Despite best efforts some relationships don’t last for a variety of reasons. Sometimes there is not enough common ground for the expectational sets to properly align. Sometimes one party can’t see beyond the detail and realise the bigger picture. In business I always look for companies than are reliable and consistent in their dealings and crucially remember that every client can be a potential doorway to many other clients. There’s no absolute right or wrong in these situations rather simply action and reaction in the situations
Different psychological types
There are many different psychological types of people that form different kinds of relationships. There are no right or wrong, good or bad psychological types, but it’s interesting to explore how these types exhibit specific behavioural patterns.
Here are two examples of these different types.
The “Cut and Run” type
These people tend to find it difficult to form long term relationships and will tend to “cut and run” from the situation. They tend to be more concerned about “what is right” and “who is right” rather than work in a cooperative manner. They have an idealized view of “how things should be” and “how people should respond” so they are often unable to entertain views other than their own. This means that they see the world in a very digital manner and will endlessly be seeking to find their idealized person or business partner.
The Appeaser
The appeaser is very different to the cut and run type. In this instance the person will seek to please rather than to voice a definite point of view. Essentially they are defined by their environments and those around them. They will rarely initiate actions rather follow the lead of what they see from others. They will tend to respond out of obligation and what they “imagine is the right thing to do” rather than what they genuinely feel. This creates all manner of problems over a period of time and often these individuals find it difficult to communicate in an honest and open manner.
Final Thoughts for now
Let me stress these are observations of behavioural patterns and “the person is NOT the behaviour” they exhibit. However it’s in my view useful to explore some of these patterns and figure out how best to form useful and lasting relationships that make for a more fulfilling life. I’ll be running this 3 day workshop in Osaka Japan this July and then look at bringing it to Europe. It’s a fascinating area and I’m really looking forward to working with different groups around the world exploring this subject.